The Rules of Rikkai Dai Gaku Fuzoku
by kurarevolution
Summary: With people as insane as the Rikkai regulars who wouldn't need rules? Here are the 9 most sacred, if not ridiculous, rules that every Rikkai regular is bound to.


From the creator of Rikkai Diaries comes another drop dead hilarious Rikkai fan fiction!!! Introducing… The Rules of Rikkai Dai Gaku Fuzoku!!!! Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis. **

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In a corner of the Rikkai Dai male tennis team's locker room there is a small framed list. A list of the revered rules of Rikkai Dai…

**1. Sanada is not allowed to do more physical harm other than slapping.**

"Mura-buchou!"

"What is it Akaya?"

"Fuku-buchou has his sword!!!"

"Eh!?"

**2. Niou is not allowed to pull a prank that will endanger the lives of those around him.**

"Are you sure you won't be charged for attempted murder, Niou-kun? Those freshmen didn't look so well when the ambulance arrived…"

"It's fine Yagyuu! I'll just blackmail the jury into letting me go!"

"…Niou-kun…"

**3. Kirihara is can not ask the same question more than 40 times in one day.**

"But why do you wear that weird cap?"

"Tarundoru… Just because I can't slap anyone for a week doesn't mean you can ask me the same question 40 times in one day."

"But I want to know! Why do you wear that weird cap?!"

"TARUNDORU!!!!!"

**4. Marui is not permitted try to multi-task.**

"Whatcha doing Marui-senpai?"

"Do…not…talk…Must…beat…high…score…while…chewing…gum…and…hopping…on…one…foot…"

"That's ridiculous!"

"No! It's not supposed to shoot laser beams like that!"

"Marui-senpai?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!! I WAS BEATEN BY A CREAM PUFF OF A MONSTER?!?!?!"

"M-Marui-senpai?!?! Mura-buchou!!!! Marui-senpai fainted!!!!"

**5. Jackal can not try to use hair care products to make his hair grow.**

"Jackal, what are you doing?"

"Oh Marui, I was just testing out this product I heard of online. It's supposed to make your hair grow."

"Are you sure that stuff's safe?"

"Don't worry, it's supposed to be all natural."

"But it's glowing…"

"Don't worry, I'll be fi-"

"Eeeeeekkkkk!!!! Jackal!!!! Wake up buddy!!! Come on, wake up!!! I'm calling the ambulance!!!

**6. Yukimura can not plan a "team field trip" without the approval of the Committee of Public Health and Safety.**

"Yukimura…"

"What is it Sanada?"

"I can't feel my arms. Are you sure these bugs are safe?"

"Sanada, why would I take my own precious team to a mysterious jungle in the middle of nowhere unless I was perfectly sure of the safety of the trip first?!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Yukimura that sounded like Kirihara…"

"DON'T WORRY BRATLING!!!! WE'LL HAVE YOU OUT OF THAT CLIFF IN NO TIME!!!"

"Have no worries Sanada! I'm sure everyone is perfectly fine!"

"NIOU!!!!"

"YAGYUU!!! SAVE ME!!!!"

"Yukimura…"

"Yes, Sanada?"

"I can't feel anything now…"

"Oh Sanada, you're perfectly fine!"

"Yagyuu!!! Y-Yanagi!!! How deep is this cliff?!?!"

"I'd estimate about 1,000 meters or so Jackal, but it might be a bit of an understatement. It's too dark to see the bottom…"

"I don't think the others are okay Yukimura…"

"Sanada, you're just being paranoid!"

"Yukimura…"

"Yes?"

"I don't think these bugs are safe… Suddenly I'm feeling a little dizzy…"

**7. No one is allowed to mention Yanagi's loss at the National Science Competition.**

"I still can't believe Yanagi of all people lost the National Science Competition…"

"I know, and to a little girl in pigtails too…"

"Niou… Marui… What are you two talking about?"

"Oh! Hi Yanagi! We were just talking about how you lost the Science Competition to a little girl in elementary school!"

"You stupid ball of fat!"

"Niou, Marui… Do you know what botulinum (1) is?"

"Ehehehehehe…"

**8. Yagyuu cannot teach the regulars manners. Ever.**

"I don't like walking with book on my head!!!"

"It's for your own good, Akaya."

"Yagyuu… I feel like a girl…"

"Niou-kun, just keep walking."

"Tarundoru!!! My mother is the one who has to pour tea!!! Not me!!!"

"Sanada…"

"Yagyuu…"

"Yes, Yukimura?"

"Run laps around the court until the sun sets. Your match with me is tomorrow. I'll give you the rest of your punishment after your painful and humiliating defeat. "

"…"

**9. The Golden Rule of Rikkai Dai: Never. Ever. EVER. Forget Yukimura's birthday.**

"Everyone…"

"Yes Yukimura!"

"What day is it…'

"Uhhhh… Tuesday?"

"Other than that Niou…"

"The day the candy store has a sale on gum!"

"Other than that Marui…"

"The day Jupiter was discovered!"

"No Akaya, not that…"

"All right, I give up. What day is it?"

"…My birthday…"

"Ohhhh……."

**THE REST OF THIS SCENE HAS BEEN LEFT OUT DO TO THE EXPLICIT VIOLENCE, ABUSE, TORTURE METHODS, AND LANGUAGE USED**

The entire team except for Yukimura was absent from school for the rest of the month. They were hospitalized to recover from their injuries. Yukimura brought them flowers everyday. It won him an award as Citizen of the Month. Niou always said Yukimura didn't deserve it. Nobody ever forgot Yukimura's birthday ever again.

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Thank you for reading this!!! Please review!!!

(1) Botulinum is considered THE most deadly poison known to man. It shuts down your nervous system and causes you to die an extremely painful death.


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